Here Without You
by Laura Schiller
Summary: Based on the song by Three Doors Down. Edric's thoughts as he travels away from Tania in book 4.


Here Without You  
Songwriters: Roberts, Matt; Harrell, Todd; Arnold, Brad; Henderson, Chris

Characters are the property of Frewin Jones.

A hundred days have made me older  
since the last time that I saw your pretty face.  
A thousand lies have made me colder  
and I don't think I can look at this the same.  
But all the miles that separate  
disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face … 

Edric Chanticleer leaned against the railing of his master's ship, watching the grey sea rolling by beneath him as the wind ruffled his hair. Anyone looking at him would have thought him the image of calm competence – a crisp black uniform, a sword at his belt, and an utter lack of emotion on his face. In five hundred and sixteen years of service to the Lords of Weir, he had learned to project that look even when his heart was breaking.

Rhyehaven was long out of sight. So was the lady in the yellow dress, with her red curls whipping around her face, her smoky eyes full of unshed tears. Tania. Would he ever see the gold dust in her eyes again?

I'm here without you, baby –  
but you're still on my lonely mind.  
I think about you, baby,  
and I dream about you all the time.  
I'm here without you, baby,  
but you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight – it's only you and me.

When he closed his eyes and cleared his mind, he could sense her through the black onyx pendant he had given her. (He knew better than to give her amber, with the associatins it had). She was worried, tired; probably working herself to a shred helping her sisters with the cure. Or else deciding her fate. Faerie or Mortal? Who would she choose to be?

For now she was still in Faerie. He could almost see her, just the slightest glimpse of copper and gold on a white balcony, with a scarlet and black blur which was Rathina. She felt close enough to touch, yet so far away.

The miles just keep rollin'  
as the people leave their way to say hello.  
I've heard this life is overrated  
but I hope that it gets better as we go.

They reached Hymnal, Weir's port town, by midday. Edric disappeared into Lord Aldritch's guardsmen, marching in step behind him as he swept through the streets and into the inn. People bowed deferentially to Aldritch, of course, and scurried to obey his commands just as Edric himself did. Was this to be his life from now on? Duty, uniforms, bows and obedience, with never a moment of laughter and joy thrown in?

Master Fulk, the jolly innkeeper who had sometimes given candy to a young Edric, didn't even recognize 'Captain Chanticleer' among Drake's entourage. Surrounded by crowds, he had never felt so lonely.

He was very careful not to look at Queen Titania's memorial fountain.

I'm here without you, baby –  
but you're still on my lonely mind.  
I think about you, baby,  
and I dream about you all the time.  
I'm here without you, baby –  
but you're still with me in my dreams  
and tonight, girl, it's only you and me … 

Edric lay awake in the room shared with three fellow soldiers for a long time. He would have done so even if they hadn't chatted among themselves, passed along a bottle of ale, and cast disparaging glares at the boy who was far too young to be their captain. He clasped his hands behind his head and stared up at the wooden ceiling beams, tracking Tania.

It was curious, he thought, that nobody could hurt you quite as much as the people you loved. After Lady Drake had been killed during a unicorn hunt, her husband and son had become colder and harsher by the year; they had gone from treating Edric as an adopted family member to 'teaching him his place' as nothing but a useful tool. And now, Tania – brushing off his marriage proposal, after all they had been through together. _Get up and stop fooling about. Don't be so stupid.. _

Everything I know – anywhere I go –  
it gets hard, but it won't take away my love.  
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done –  
it gets hard, but it won't take away my love. 

Was it better this way, perhaps? Better to snap the bond between them like a cord cut with scissor, before they hurt each other anymore?

_No!_ He sat up in bed with a rustle of blanket, almost bumping his head against the ceiling. He felt a strange, middle-of-the-night clarity descending on him; he knew what he must do.

I'm here without you, baby,  
but you're still on my lonely mind.  
I think about you, baby,  
and I dream about you all the time.  
I'm here without you, baby,  
but you're still with me in my dreams  
and tonight, girl, it's only you and me …

Tania was in the Mortal World. Not permanently; he could sense a driving purpose in her, a fierce determination, which she would not posess if she were simply abandoning Faerie. She had gone there to help. To fetch a Mortal Healer for a Mortal disease. He almost smiled. How typical of her.

He climbed down the bunk bed ladder and went in search of a private place. Somewhere he could call up the spirits of darkness and follow his beloved across the worlds.


End file.
